It seems like we cant get it right in eachothers eyes can we?!
Depending on what woman we talk to we either are doing a good job or bad job.
I can not tell you how many times I have been judged or felt judged as a wife, mother and homemaker, nor can I tell you the countless times I myself have also judged other women.
To my shame, I have been guilty before of sitting in the seat of the scornful, dealing contemptuously with other wives, mothers and homemakers.
It seems to me that the judgement is easier to deal with from people who cant relate to you, but when the judgement comes from women who are on the same playing field as you are i.e being a wife, mother, and homemaker, that's when it really hurts.
I have not been a blogger long, but I have been online for quite some time, and read some of the blogs out there. If I may say so, WOMEN ARE BRUTAL SOMETIMES!
I've been on social media sites and I see the posts and comments woman write to each-other, (again to my shame, Ive engaged and been part of it more than I wanted) and WE ARE BRUTAL TO EACHOTHER! I'm rather embarrassed.
"A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing." Proverbs 9:13
Synonyms: noisy, loud, vocal, rowdy
Boy, I have been guilty of being clamorous before and have been dealt with by others clamorous and it is so easy to justify it online whether its in a blog post, FB wall post, instant message or any other social media site. Afterall, its our blog and our fb wall, our twitter why cant we vocalize loudly our opinions and "the things God is growing us in"
It isn't right, it isn't okay, if it puts down other women. Its hurtful and clamorous.
We woman have strong opinions about how other woman "should" be running their homes.
I know because I use to be one. I use to think all woman had to be "cookie cutter Christians". They all had to look the same, dress the same, act the same, sing the same hymns, and do things the way I did them, because well I researched and knew that the way I was doing things was the "best" and "godly" way. How arrogant! How prideful! How clamorous!
I would Titus 2:3-5 to justify my actions.
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Until I was convicted that it says "aged" women. I am not an an aged woman. I still fall under the young women category of this verse.
Thats not to say that I cant teach women to be sober, to love their husbands, love their children to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good obedient to their own husbands, but I need to not take the role of teacher to those that are on the same level I am on, I can teach my children since they are younger than me, and other women who are younger than me.
Afterall, I am still learning these things and I can encourage those women who ask for my encouragement, advice, and counsel. But to just air my own opinion on how a woman runs her home and vocalize it to her i.e either in a blog format, wall post, inbox, twitter etc. just makes me clamorous.
Here are some ways God has been teaching me and showing me to stop judging women and encourage them.
1)Stop Judging them
Woman are already hard on themselves enough and we already battle and struggle. I dont need to add to it. So what if she she works outside the home, runs a homebusiness, runs a blog, babysits other peoples children, eats at McDonalds /eats all organic, is overweight, is skinny, wears jeans, wears only long skirts, has 1 child has 7 children, homeschools/public schools/private schools, dyes her hair, wears high heels, wears a head covering, uses the KJV, uses all versions, paints her nails, is all natural no beauty products! SO WHAT!!!!!!!
We all have the same end goal to love our husbands/children to be godly to honor God. This is what matters!
2)Focus on Encouraging / Focus on the good
How can I encouraging you where you are in your identity in Christ in your love for Jesus and others
How can I bless you today with my words, not tear you down and make you feel like a crappy mom/wife while making myself look like mother and wife of the year making myself inferior. What are your strengths as a woman let me look for the good God is doing in your life, let me encourage the good, let me build you up. Let me point out all the good in your life all the good your doing.
3)Love Love Love
Love cover so much doesnt it. Love builds up, how can I build you up in your love for your husband and children. How can I build you up in your love for Jesus how can I show you love, yes this may include at times dealing with sin in persons life, but this shouldn't be your goal "let me look for all your sins and flaws", rather let me love you right where you are.
Respect other women, I may not have to like them, like what they do or how they do it, I dont have to agree with what they do or how they do it, but I am to respect them and show them the kind of respect I'd want shown to myself. The old rule my mama's taught me "if your dont have nothing nice to so dont say nothing at all" should be applied most of the time. There will be times when we may have something to say that may not be deemed as "nice" but if its done in respectful tone and manner then okay, but it should only be done out of necessity.
Here are some ways God has been showing me how to handle when another woman judges me or scorns me.
1)Dont fall for the temptation to judge and scorn back
We woman are good at jabbing each other back for a wrong. We can do it subtil too. We can be vicious and mean in our words. We can back bite and cause wounds that leave massive scars. We must refrain from retaliting.
2)Show mercy and pray
When someone judges and scorns its easy to go on the defense and put our gloves on and come out swinging. Its natural to defend ourselves, but Jesus tells us that if our enemy persecutes us says mean things to us, revile not but bless them that despite -fully use you, bless and not curse. Pray for them.
3)Love Love Love run to the gospel of Jesus
Again love covers a multitude of sin, this doesnt mean we have to subject ourselves to the judgement and scorning, but rather we can love by being patient, kind, self-controlled, believing the best hoping the best for them, and remembering while we were yet sinners Christ died for us, we can run to the gospel that because of Jesus we can do all things through him including loving those that are judging and scorning us.
I dont know if there will ever come a day when Christian women stop judging one another, probably not on this side of heaven, but I do know that Jesus said you will know them by the love they have one for another, not by how bad, hateful, put each other down, judge each other, criticize each others parenting/homemaking, but how we love each other.
I know the world, our children, friends, family all watch us. I have to be careful on how I talk about other women to my daughters as they will one day be repeating the words I say. I want to be a woman of grace and love. If there is one thing I want to be known for its love.
So here is to you Ladies:
Working mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
Stay at home mom- I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
homeschool mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
public school /private school mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
blogging mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
home business mom- I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
babysitting mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
city mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
country mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
creative/ passionate mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
cloth diapering mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
conventional diapering mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
vaccinating mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
non vaccinating mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
junk food mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
healthy mom - I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you
All moms- I salute you, your loved and appreciated and no one can replace you