I've never been a good grace receiver. I either wallow in how undeserving I am, while mildly and cowardly pushing grace away, or I wildly accept it freely and charismatically indulge in it. I'm not sure if that makes any sense whatsoever, but my point is, The gift of grace is rather peculiar and my response is often unfitting. Indeed I am learning of Grace.
Its shown to me when I most need it, its revealed to me when Id rather shamefully hide, and it covers/showers me at just the right moments.
Today grace corrected me and lead me to the place of sweet quietness of soul and heartfelt joy. The blistering and aching of my selfish pitiful desires were covered and soothed by grace.
Learning that while the Proverbs 31 lurks and pushes at every corner within my very being, it is NOT there in doing, in working, where joy is found, not that working/serving is vanity and should not be done, but rather when done out of pitiful desires (desire to be seen by man, desires to be praised by man, desires to be appreciated by man, desires to be approved by man, for the work and service of work done with my hands) today I learned will only leave you empty with a blistering ache of something more!
This is where grace showed up today, to tell me yet again that my life is not my own, and rather has been laid aside for the joy that comes from the cross at Calvary, the joy that comes from knowing Jesus.
Knowing Him more deeply when I work with my hands, knowing that this body is HIS, for HIS service for HIS use, and if it means wiping pee from behind the toilet for the 5th time today then so be it, if it means that the kitchen table must be wiped for the 10th time then so be it, if it means that sweeping of crumbs are swept yet again for the 100th time then so be it, GRACE SHOWED UP TO TELL ME stop counting the cost in all the serving I do all day, STOP thinking about how much I do and how little those I do it for take notice and or appreciate it (they really are thankful and take notice but when my focus is on self it doesn't see clearly) GRACE SHOWED UP TO TELL ME stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop the poor me attitude.
I HAVE BEEN CALLED TO LAY MY LIFE DOWN BECAUSE JESUS LAID HIS DOWN FOR ME ..... This isnt a work this is GRACE!!!!!
A person of GRACE who lives only for themselves is no person of GRACE but A person of SELF ! Grace is a gift, a gift that is to be given continually by the one who received it!